Take Charge of Your Mind: The Sneaky Power of Labels
We give meaning to things we experience by the words we use - out loud or in our own heads - in how we describe them. Those words can have a lasting impact on our choices and actions in ways that work against us.
By Karin Stawarky
Good. Bad. Positive. Negative. Best. Worst. Success. Failure.
Simple words. Each weighty in the effect on our thoughts and actions. Yet it is we who give them power. And I’m ready to take that power back.
I have been reflecting on how quick people are to label events or experiences that happen to us. How often have you described something to another person as “that was a total bust” or “it really sucked” or “I completely screwed that up”?
An experience that happened to me a while ago that was just that. It was an unexpected event that stirred up a lot of emotion within me. At the time – and for some time after – I heaped labels on the event: Really, really bad…. Awful…. Traumatizing…. Unfair…. Worst. Thing. Ever.
It created a new ‘tape’ in my head about me – as a leader and as a person. It made me doubt things I thought to be true about myself and about my effectiveness and strength as an executive. It changed the trajectory of my path. Importantly, it made me feel bad about myself. It churned up emotions about what I imagined that I wasn’t. I lost sight of who and what I am.
Finally, the dark, heavy storm clouds lifted. I looked back at this same experience through a different set of lenses. I actually breathed a sigh of relief. The old labels were peeled off, and new ones stuck on: Blessing…. Dodged a bullet…. Best. Thing. Ever. If that experience had not happened, I would not be where I am today, flourishing. I am now in my zone, a place where things are increasingly effortless, my creativity is buzzing, and time flows with ease.
But wait. How can the same experience have two diametrically opposed descriptions in my mind?
You might argue the old adage of ‘time heals old wounds’. Sure, to some extent. Time gives us perspective that in the moment – when physiological reactions in our brain activate the ‘flight or fight’ response – we lose sight of. But, consider the opportunity cost of the time required for that to take place. And think about how it influences your actions – what you do and don’t do – and your attitude in the meantime. And the energy you put out into the world. And how that energy can pull different kinds of people towards you, and push others away from you. For me, it was a good year and a half before the lens shift happened. What was lost in the interim? Holding those ‘negative’ labels cast a mental frame that how I saw things. It became a filter that influenced what I went after, my confidence, and my belief in what was possible. I wore mental shackles for a year and half. And I did that to myself.
With the passage of time, and reflecting back on this, I realized how frequently I categorized events in this way. You name it, I labelled it.
Then the proverbial brilliant flash of light occurred. As with some of the most powerful insights for me, it came from an unexpected source, at an unexpected time, in an unexpected setting. What if something is neither good or bad? It just is?
Experiences or events do not have meaning in and of themselves. We give meaning to them by the words we choose to describe them – either in our heads or out loud to others. (Taking this further, we have a general propensity to label fellow humans in a similar way: in simplistic terms, that is a “bad person” or a “good person”.)
Our brains are enormously powerful. The extent of that power is something I have more fully come to appreciate over the past few years. Its impact extends beyond dimensions that are obvious, to ones that are subtler yet very significant. Our mental frame influences what we think, what we believe is possible (or not) and what we do. Importantly, it does not just influence our immediate course of action, but it can groove our behaviors far into the future, holding us back instead of propelling us forward. Labels like these can take root in our minds. They encourage devious limiting beliefs for us – about what we are capable of (or not). It has the effect of shutting down possibility, instead of opening it up. Does “I can’t do that….” or “that’s not going to happen…” ever run through your thoughts?
This holds true for teams and organizations. Take notice of language used in a team debrief or in small talk with co-workers at the coffee machine. Think about how often this type of pattern emerges. How does it affect how the team shows up in a meeting? How employees approach their work? Language starts to influence attitude, which shifts behavior, which then effects the shape of a culture – the culture in a team, an office, or an organization.
While you can sense how limiting negative labels can be, the same is true of extreme positive ones. Why? It can prevent you from seeing potential insights or lessons. It may also ascribe agency to the event, instead of what you did (or did not do) in the situation. This can prevent you from replicating something that has positive benefit or value.
Operating below our level of consciousness, our brains are constantly on the lookout for patterns, scanning past experiences to find similar situations. Once a pattern is recognized – a label “found” – the associated emotions and thoughts are once again brought to the surface to respond to what is going on. We have been unconsciously training our brains for years. Think of it as deliberately building up a powerful super-highway system of situation-response. This labeling can at times work for us – but it also can work against us. The good news is that we have the ability to build new superhighways in our brain, no matter what age we are. Overcoming the deeply grooved “mindways” of thinking and acting means consciously laying down new tracks. And peeling off those sticky labels.
Shifting your experience and your response starts by changing the lens you use to view the circumstances. As you find yourself in a challenging situation, consider the following approach:
Pause. Breathe deeply. Slowly exhale.
Notice the adjectives/descriptors that come to mind about the situation (or the person). Write them down.
Notice what gets triggered when you look at those words. What thoughts come to mind? What feelings do you experience?
Now, look at the situation like a drama unfolding on stage that you are watching as an observer. In objective terms, what is happening? what is not?
How would you describe the role are you playing?
Instead of making a judgement about the situation, get curious. What is causing that action? What possibilities emerge? What insights present themselves? What options do you see?
Over time, you will find you have the ability to recognize how you are labelling a situation, and be able to“frame shift” in the moment as a situation is unfolding.
Resist the urge to label a situation. Remember, a situation just is. Leave the labels for mailing envelopes and file folders.