The Doing Mask
By Karin Stawarky
In this unprecedented time of the pandemic over the past few months, much has shifted.
Our routines are interrupted.
We have been forced to step off of the treadmill that many of us have found ourselves on day after day, consciously or not, running and running and yet never arriving.
A number of us no longer drive to offices, to train stations, to airports, to schools… let alone do errands that fill weekends with one store after another, or shuttle from one activity to another for ourselves, family members, or friends.
This forced “pause” is a stark contrast to what many of us experience as normalcy. If you have found this shift jarring, or uncomfortable, you are not alone. If you are experiencing sensations of anxiety that you can’t quite put your finger on the why behind them, you are not alone.
Cognitively we know from research that pausing is a good thing. Reflecting — one form of pausing — is recognized as beneficial for individuals, teams, and organizations but infrequently gets translated into consistent practice. When reflection does happen, it seems to be with difficulty, effort, and resistance.
Many of my executive coaching clients find it hard to stop, to pause. We are constantly moving, constantly doing. This operating mode is reinforced within our families, our communities, our institutions (from schools to companies), and societies more broadly. This is particularly true as a cultural norm within the United States, where there are unwritten rules in our collective ethos around contemplation, rest, and work: just look at the difference in terms of the granted vacation time between companies in the US versus Europe as one manifestation.
Constant motion, or movement, is a mask. I call this the “Doing Mask”.
I have worn the Doing Mask. In fact, I’ve worn it for most of my life. A very dear friend of mine once remarked to me: “You know, you are one of the most productive people I know.” At the time, I took this as a compliment - indeed, a “badge of honor” – that I was continuously creating and producing. I was the one whom people turned to and relied upon to “get things done.” I proudly crossed item after item off of my daily to-do lists.
In recent years, as I have immersed myself in my own deep inner work bringing together a variety of disciplines and techniques, I became aware of the presence of the Doing Mask. The Doing Mask is a key tool for a part of me that I call the “Energizer Bunny”. Just like in the commercials, the Energizer Bunny was seemingly inexhaustible, never running out of battery, perkily keeping up a consistent drumbeat. Never resting, always moving. In fact, I even convinced myself – for years! – that I really only needed about 4-5 hours of sleep a night. After all, I could then accomplish that much more.
Why do I call it the Doing Mask? One purpose of a mask is to keep something hidden, be it an identity… or a truth. As I explored that part of myself, I discovered something – a different lens through which to view the Doing Mask. I realized that a driver for my constant doing, my endless to-do list, stemmed from a deep need to justify my worth to others. By producing, creating, doing, I was “productive” and being productive to me meant being of positive, accretive value – to my family, my team, my organization, my community, the world. It was a strategy that I learned very young and was implicitly, sub-consciously reinforced by the systems of which I am a part: family, schools, companies I worked for, the community and country I grew up in. Deep down, I believed it granted me respect, standing, and credibility.
Has the Doing Mask served me in my life? Absolutely. In many ways, I would not be where I am in this moment if not for that Energizer Bunny part of me, and for the Doing Mask. I am very grateful for both. I am proud of all that have accomplished and all that I have created.
And what have I also learned?
I now see the shadow side of the Doing Mask. In endlessly Doing, I was not permitting myself to Being. I de-valued the worthiness of “just” Being.
I appreciate the intrinsic necessity of Being. Being produces the essential spark and the wise compass to my Doing. Being enables what I call Directed Doing.
The value in taking off the Doing Mask is that I create the space to look in the proverbial mirror and ask myself two essential questions:
To what end?
For whom?
To what end calls my attention to what the specific “doing” is in service of. Something or someone I value? Aligned with my intentions and aspirations? Enabling me to be of greatest service?
For whom calls my attention to whether I am doing this because I think is important, essential, or of value…. or if I am subconsciously doing it because “people” think I should. I call such people “The Invisible They” because I can’t point to any specific person in my life who expresses such judgement or opinion.
By downshifting into Being, I give myself the space to consider and make intentional choices, choices that transcend from the mundane to those of the highest order in guiding my life’s journey.
What do I say yes to and what do I say no to in terms of commitments and responsibilities?
What truly serves me? What does not?
How do those actions align with what I see as my calling in this world?
What does my body need from me, a body that has carried me through much thus far?
What care does my spirit need?
What relationships mean the most to me, and what tending or presence do they need?
I appreciate that Doing and Being are yin and yang; the greatest benefit is experienced in the combination. We need to BE in order to most effectively DO, and as we DO, we are provided with learning, wisdom, and insight that illuminates our awareness as we BE. The balance between the two states is dynamic. With growing awareness and deliberate practice, I find myself more fluidly now moving between them over a course of a day.
An unexpected gift of this global health crisis – the forced stopping - is the reveal of the Doing Mask for those who choose to see it and embrace it, with courage and with curiosity.
I invite you to explore the Doing Mask for yourself.
Consider your usage. In what ways have you been wearing a Doing Mask?
What has wearing the Doing Mask provided to you? How has it served you? In what situations particularly?
What did wearing the Doing Mask encourage you to say YES to? What have been the implications?
What did wearing the Doing Mask encourage you to say NO to? What have been the implications?
Trace the ripple effect. How have you been encouraging a Doing mask for your team or your organization?
What have you prioritized as a result?
What have you de-prioritized, or turned away from?
How has that served you?
How has it gotten in your way? What has it held you back from?
Visualize removing the Doing Mask. What comes up for you?
What do you become aware of that it has been hiding? What yearnings or desires? What fears or concerns? What questions or uncertainties?
Explore the Being.
What does being in Being look like to you?
How do you create space for Being?
What do you need to believe to create that space and allow that for yourself?
When will you practice that?
What will you do when that that intention or time is challenged (when the pull of the Doing Mask becomes powerful)?
The Doing Mask is an important life accessory. It has usefulness in different situations and contexts. Going forward, may you put it on with greater intentionality and fully leverage its benefits and impact in balancing it with times of Being.