Back in the Game

Get Going.

That is the inner impulse I’ve been feeling since this new calendar year began.  While traveling the final stretch through one of life’s dark valleys, I have felt a parallel sense of awakening in what I think about as my creative capacity. The sensation feels like a crackle, an igniting.

I noticed that as I began to express myself creatively through art, the flow of ideas intensified: books and articles to write, story lines for my upcoming podcast. I’d be in a conversation with a friend, see a billboard, be reading a biography, engaged in a client session, walking in the woods – and Zing! Another flash of illumination.

I decided to take a first pass at “scooping up” some of these idea fragments. Fragments are recorded in the margins of client notes, on post-its, in the notepad or voice memos on my phone, asterisks in my journal, in a digital photo of a prompt snapped quickly. I started gathering them on two pages in a sketchbook: one page of concepts for different kinds of books, one page of ideas for article-length pieces.

So. Much. To. Write.

I have no shortage of offerings for my fellow humans to read, listen to, and reflect upon. My overarching intention is that through them, one is able to find a nugget of illumination that deepens one’s own understanding and appreciation of self, and in so doing, relate to others and the world in ways that bring forward more fulfillment, more peace, more healing, more connection, more joy.

And yet, despite this motivation I feel powerfully and deeply within me, the cursor blinks at me from the blank page of a Word document. “Well? And?” it seems to say. The concepts wait, dormant, in the sketchbook.

Why?

Physics gave me a clue. In a nutshell, Newton’s First Law of Motion puts forward that a body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts upon it. A body in motion -- at a consistent velocity -- will remain in motion (unless acted upon by an outside force).

Bottom line: it’s all about Getting Going.

Because once you get going, you typically stay going  -- towards the destination you focus on.

It is always possible that such an outside force materializes to jumpstart me -- in the form of an established publishing house asking me to submit a book proposal (that did honest-to-goodness happen, in 2019 .. Simon & Schuster!) or that a well-known magazine (that’s you: Fast Company, Forbes, MIT Sloan Management Review, etc.) asks me to write an article. But that could take some time. If I really want to get going to be of the greatest help I can be to others, I can’t wait. I need to be my own “outside force”.

What’s holding me back?

People who know me well tell me that I’m a force of nature, an effervescent catalyst, a determined, energizing person who takes initiative and drives something forward, one who “makes things happen”.  Being an “outside force” on myself is something that is in my very nature and has been since I was a child.

What’s different in this situation? Where did that part of me go?

I started to get curious about myself on the nature of inner resistance that appears to have taken over. Who or what am I resisting in relationship to bringing these ideas fully to life?

I realized that understanding the nature of the resistance comes through the stories that other parts of me are telling.

What are some of these stories I’m telling myself? The inner monologue says things like: It will be hard. It will take a lot of time. It needs to be comprehensive. It needs to fit this kind of mold, to look a certain way. You need to do more learning. You need to do more research. It needs to have an appendix! It needs to go through this kind of publisher or media source. Softer, quieter are comments like: The content will not be special or different enough. Everyone’s already said everything to be said or written on that topic. It won’t be good enough. Is anyone going to read it or listen to it?

As I reflected on these different story threads, I realized that there was one that “hit the jackpot” – one I felt a lot of inner energy around.

The bulk of my resistance to bringing these books and articles to life is not anchored around concerns about the end product of my effort and whether it will be read, accepted, well regarded – or what people would in turn think about me.  I am very clear that whoever is intended to benefit by reading or hearing my words will receive them. And that this is not about me. It’s about the messages.

The inner resistance centers around the story about the PROCESS getting there – what will be involved in having the book, the article, in hand. Specifically, that it will be hard, effortful, time-consuming, and so not fun. (Hello, family lineage. I saw in those words the implicit motto – life is hard, you have to work hard - I inherited, a belief passed on through generations of my family. It morphed over time to take on an implication that everything is hard.)

How do I defuse the blocking energy of that storyline within me?

I stepped back from that story and I thought about other “hard things” I’ve done in my life (there are many). I focused on one in particular, because it involved doing something that I don’t think my body physiology was particularly designed for: running a half marathon. While I played softball growing up from elementary school to college, I’m not built for speed. Let’s just say I was not at the front of the pack in any kind of sprint running drill.

I realized I was clear on the goal: it was not my speed in running a half marathon, it was about finishing one. I decided that completing a half marathon was something I wanted to do for myself – to prove I could do it, that I could legit call myself ‘a runner.’

What did I do? Well, what I DIDN’T do was wake up one morning and decide to run a half marathon that afternoon. I trained in a structured way with guidance from expert sources, one step, one mile at a time, from walk to jog to run. And through this consistent approach, I created momentum. I cultivated a tempo. A body in motion stays in motion. And I remember after my first 12-mile-long training run, I was bit stunned. I felt like I could have run longer – another mile or two. It was easier than I thought to build up to running that distance. I could do it! And I did it. (I still have the medal from that half marathon in my desk drawer.)

So yes, I need be my own ‘outside force’. I’ve done it before. I can do it again. Else, I will be forever at a standing start holding a sketchbook of partially developed writing concepts.

Remember, I told myself. I didn’t launch right into attempting a 13.1 mile run; I began with walk/jog intervals for 10 minutes. I didn’t get discouraged. I reframed the challenge in my mind. I told myself everything I did in training was running a half marathon. What if I did the same here? Instead of doing a stare-down with the blinking cursor for the first page of the first chapter of one of the books, what if I approached it like the half marathon? What if every word I wrote was part of writing and publishing the first book?

I looked those sketchbook pages and flipped them over. Just for the moment.

I wrote in block letters: GET GOING.

Then I asked myself this question:

“What is my FIRST next step?”

And so how did I respond to that question, you may ask.

You’re reading it now.

I am building momentum, one step – one post, one podcast episode at a time. The published articles will come. The books will come. Probably faster and easier than parts of me imagine. Stay tuned for those.

What’s on your own wish list for what you want to be true this year?

What’s your FIRST next step?

I’m Getting Going. Will you join me?

As inspiration, I offer these words from the eloquent former Poet Laureate for the state of Maine, Stuart Kestenbaum:

Benediction

Heaven knows

where you’ll go

once you

get started,

only that

the rain

will wake

your heart

and something

will sprout

within you, something

you can’t name and the earth

of your body

will welcome

it home.